My brother, Ben, passed away last week after a short battle with colon cancer, just 8 days after his diagnosis. Perhaps this was mercifully short for him, avoiding prolonged, painful treatment with, most likely, the same outcome, but it has left the rest of us in shock, without having much of a chance to say goodbye.
My brother Ben (left) and I on his 33rd birthday
Ben was kind, patient, loving, creative, and smart. Listening to his coworkers and friends talk about him last week, I could tell that his character was apparent to everyone he met. And he made friends everywhere he went — attending school at school at the University of Missouri, studying abroad in Ireland, working with AmeriCorps on the east coast, working in Kansas City, and eventually settling in San Francisco.
Ben and I loved many of the same things — good movies, Star Wars, video games, and especially hockey. I turned him into a Pittsburgh Penguins fan long ago. I loved sending links back and forth with the latest Penguins news and discussing wins and losses. He was even with me to watch the Penguins win the Stanley Cup in 2016. I don’t know if I will ever be able to watch a hockey game again without missing him.
I’m still having trouble believing any of this is real. We are all going to miss Ben terribly, and things will never be the same without him.
I love you, brother. ❤️
Ironically (or cruelly), March is colorectal cancer awareness month. Ben was 37 when he passed away. My friend Amanda was 37 when she was diagnosed, passing away a year later. I was 37 when developed symptoms of Ulcerative Colitis, getting diagnosed at 38. The recommended age for a colonoscopy is now 45, but maybe 35 is not too early. If you are having symptoms, go to the doctor, do the thing, don’t wait.
Update 2025-03-16:
The UC Berkeley Theater, Dance, and Performance Studies department published a nice article about my brother. We had a celebration of life for Ben last week on Friday near Berkeley, and his coworkers were so kind to me and my family.
What is psychologically intriguing is how bracing and electrifying a figure Trump is to many evangelicals. It is as if his disinhibitions have become theirs. Parents who disapproved of their children saying “damn” are now enthralled by a man who says “motherfucker.” Those who championed modesty and purity culture celebrate a thrice-married serial adulterer who made hush-money payments to a porn star. Churchgoers who can recite parts of the Sermon on the Mount are inspired by a man who, on the day he announced his candidacy for reelection, promised vengeance against his perceived enemies. Christians who for decades warned about moral relativism are now moral relativists; those who said a decent society has to stand for truth have embraced countless lies and conspiracy theories. People who rage at “woke cancel culture” delight in threats to shut down those with whom they disagree. Men and women who once stood for law and order have given their allegiance to a felon who issues pardons to rioters who have assaulted police officers.
